Preaching to Myself
Pastor says it all the time, “I’m preaching to myself.” There may be something going on in his life, and during his prayer time, God lays a sermon on his heart…not just to share with the people of the church, but to minister to his life as well. It is wrong for anyone to assume that a preacher’s life, or that of his family, is perfect just because our vision is warped in believing that their prayers are heard faster, or that God loves them more.
I don’t know how many people read these HOPE Notes, but I do have people tell me all the time that they like the stuff I write. But I wanted to be honest with everyone, as Pastor has, and tell you that I’m preaching to myself. I write about faith and forgiveness, love and grace, yet I often struggle with these very things when I’m faced with enormous life issues. One night my mind was so engulfed with thoughts of dread and fear of the unknown, I found myself going down that all-too-familiar “what if” path and I was unable to sleep. I began to doubt myself as worthy of writing anything about trusting God or peace of mind because here I was doing nothing as I’d written.
That is how Satan operates. He hovers over us, like a vulture, just waiting for that seed of doubt to manifest and then he comes into the door we’ve opened to water that seed, to grow its roots of fear, disbelief of God’s promises, unworthiness…all the things that will cause our spiritual death. But this is where connections come in, why they are critical in a believer’s life. It is imperative that you have others that are like-minded, who are grounded in Godly principals, who you can talk to BEFORE that doubt grows to unmanageable proportions.
As I began to share my thoughts with my husband, Dennis, he tried to calm me by suggesting that instead of wondering HOW God was going to provide for us and see us through this situation, why not just trust that He will. Am I totally cured of my unbelief? Not even close…because I’m human; but Dennis reminded me that my job is not to ask how, but trust that God has all the details working out and, in His timing, He’ll share them with me.